Henry: Good to see you again.
Diana: How are you doing?
Henry: I'm okay. How are you?
Diana: Hey, you look a little worse for wear.
Henry: Yeah, well, I haven't been sleeping much. What's going on?
Doctor Friend: Let's all sit down and talk. Henry, you have had a damn tough year. We are all here, all of us, because we care about you... You have a drug problem.
Other Friend: I got it, James.
Doctor Friend: Excuse me, I'm speaking here. I was addicted to anger. And you helped me beat it. Let us help you beat this. It's obvious that you have been, Henry, self-medicating for some time.
Henry: Okay... Is this... Is this an intervention?
Doctor Asshole: It's an opportunity.
Henry: In the first place, you were my wife's doctor, not mine. And in the second place, I'm not some fucking drug addict on Wilshire Boulevard, all right?
Doctor Friend: I'm a doctor. And let me...
Henry: Diana, did you actually send me a written invitation two weeks ago to my own intervention?
Doctor Friend: Opportunity.
Henry: You say that one more time, I'm going to throw a fucking crab cake in your face.
Doctor Friend: We've arranged a room at a rehab just north of Oxnard.
Henry: Are you shitting me? He wants to send me to Oxnard... Look, let me make it clear to you, okay? My wife died, you fucking assholes.
Father: We love you, son. And it's a bitch seeing you like this.
Henry: Well, then don't look, Dad.
Doctor Friend: Look, l... We've... We've written a letter. We've all signed it.
Henry: All right.
Doctor Friend: Jeremy will read it.
Jeremy: I don't really want to read it anymore, actually.
Doctor Friend: Okay. I'll read it. "Dear Henry, help..."
Henry: My wife killed herself.
Father: She had a car accident.
Henry: No, Dad. That's what I told you.
Father: Jesus Chr...
Everyone in the room: Whoa.
Henry: So, I'm going to go out to my car, I'm going to take a big hit from a self-medicating joint, and then I'm going to Kentucky Fried Chicken 'cause it's finger-fucking-licking good.
—
Henry: Do you think I have a problem?
Jesus (drug dealer): What kind of problem would you have?
Henry: Everyone's got a problem? With this? With drugs?
Jesus: No. Why does it always have to be about the drugs? Why does everything have to have a label? Why... Why's it got to be right or wrong? Why does it have to be the drugs?
Henry: It's grief.
Jesus: What?
Henry: They want you to have some kind of normal response to grief. So they don't have to watch.
—
Asshole Husband: Yeah, I'm going to go around the world making my music. Rocking cocks, that's what I do. That's who I am.
Henry: I'm sorry?
Husband: Rockin' cocks... it's a music term for making people happy.
Henry: Are you comfortable?
Husband: Well, as much as I can be.
Henry: Good.
Actress Wife: I think he's become... a narcissist.
Husband: Is that what your Gypsy yoga teacher told you?
Wife: No, and she's not a Gypsy.
Husband: And I'm not a narcissist. (To Henry) What's a narcissist?
Henry: It's someone who doesn't give a shit about anyone but themselves.
Husband: Fuck it. I got to take a leak.